Causes of Divorce

Commitment Issues

At one time, it was understood that marriage was for life. Even if an unhappily-married person could have gotten a divorce, there were severe social consequences for this course of action. A woman may not have been entitled to any form of financial support whatsoever. Her children would have remained with her former husband, no matter what type of care he would have provided for them.

Things are quite different now. Some people would say that engaged couples are ill-prepared for the inevitable ups and downs that come with married life. Their focus is on the day of the wedding and not on all the days which will follow. With divorce no longer carrying the risk of social isolation and women being more financially independent, couples may be less inclined to stay together “for better or for worse, until death do us part.”

Difficulty Dealing With Conflict

During the course of a marriage, disagreements will inevitably occur. When couples do not communicate well, unresolved issues may eventually lead to marriage breakdown. Some people get so wrapped up in defending their own position on a certain issue that they don’t consider their spouse’s point of view. Some people are of the opinion that if their spouse truly cared for them, he or she would know exactly what they want or need. In truth, each partner in a marriage needs to communicate his or her needs and expectations to the other. The best way to do this is in a calm, non-accusatory manner. Be careful not to bring up past issues that may cloud what you are trying to deal with in the present.

Infidelity

Infidelity certainly can be a cause of divorce. While it may be possible for a couple to get past the adultery with time and counseling, this can be very difficult. The fact that one partner has engaged in sexual activities with someone who is not his or her spouse is a serious issue.

It can be argued that infidelity is a symptom of a bigger problem in the marriage. Whether this is accurate or not, the spouse who was betrayed will no doubt be deeply hurt and upset. In addition to the emotional issues, health concerns will need to be addressed. Adultery brings with it the possibility of being exposed to a number of sexually-transmitted diseases. Seek medical advice and ask to be screened for:

• Gonorrhea
• Syphilis
• Chlamydia
• Pelvic Inflammatory Disease
• Hepatitis A, B, C
• HIV and AIDS

Finances

Many people find the concept of money a difficult one to discuss, even with their spouse. A couple may have a number of financial goals they wish to reach but not have a clear plan of how they will reach those goals. If one spouse makes most of the financial decisions, then the other partner may feel resentful. Differing styles with regard to managing the family’s financial resources can also be considered one of the causes of divorce. If one partner spends freely and the other one is more cautious with his or her spending habits, this can cause conflict in the marriage.

Differing Child-Rearing Styles

When a couple turns into a family by welcoming children, it is usually considered a happy occasion. The fact is that raising children can be physically and emotionally exhausting. It is important for both parents to come to an agreement about the way in which they will raise their children.

If one parent adopts a style of discipline the other does not agree with, this can lead to arguments and stress in the home. Lack of communication can also be a problem here, especially if one spouse feels that he or she is being expected to handle the bulk of the child-care responsibilities. Over time, one spouse may well feel deep resentment toward the other and this could be considered a cause of divorce.

The reasons for marriage breakdown are complicated. For this reason, it is not always easy to determine the reason why a couple chooses to separate. If couples educate themselves about the causes of divorce, perhaps they will be less likely to become divorce statistics themselves.