Coping after Divorce

Accept That It’s Over

More than likely, you started your married life with the best of intentions. At that point, you could not have predicted that your relationship with your former spouse would have reached the point of dissolution. Accept the fact that the relationship has broken down and you can’t go back to the way it was.

You can, however, have a different type of relationship with your former spouse. If you have children together, it’s important that you can act as co-parents for their sake. Issues concerning their support and upbringing will need discussed; try to keep your relationship with your former spouse as civil as possible.

Grieve Your Loss

Give yourself the time you need to come to terms with the end of your marriage. There is no way to predict how long the process will take. Everyone copes differently.

The grieving process is not a straight line. You won’t find that each day is better than the one before. You may think that you are well on your way to coping after divorce and then the feelings of deep sadness, anger, and regret return.

Therapy for Coping After Divorce

Some people going through a divorce find talking to a therapist helpful. The therapy sessions are a safe place to sort through what happened and your feelings about the end of your marriage. You can examine the choices you made in your relationship to learn why you made them.

By taking a close look at your marriage and the issues that caused it to break down, you can learn how to make better choices in your future relationships. When you are ready to date again, you will have a better picture of what kind of relationship you want and need. Friends and family are supportive, but sometimes we need more help than the people who love us can give.

Another advantage to seeing a therapist is the sessions are confidential. The client is free to express him or herself freely to the therapist without feeling awkward or embarrassed about revealing private information.

Be Good to Yourself

It will take some time for your to adjust to this major change in your life. During this time, treat yourself as well as you can by doing the following.

• Eat a balanced diet.
• Get enough sleep.
• Exercise regularly.
• Spend time with friends.
• If you choose to use alcohol, do so in moderation.

Fly Solo for Awhile

A New Day

It’s normal to feel lonely after the breakup of a marriage. Fight the urge to deal with the loneliness by starting to date someone new right away. You need to spend some time on your own before you are ready for a new relationship.

Generally speaking, rebound relationships don’t last over the long term. If you date too soon, you run the risk of having to deal with another breakup while you are still coping after divorce. Instead, take some time to pursue some new interests or rediscover an old interest that had been pushed to the back burner.

Sign up for a class on a topic that interests you. Join a gym. Find an organization in your community that needs volunteers and sign up. All these suggestions will give you something to look forward to and may give you the opportunity to make some new friends.

Coping after divorce is certainly not easy. By giving yourself the time you need to come to terms with what has happened, you will be better prepared for your next relationship. There is life after divorce, and it can be a fulfilling one.