Divorce Advice
From LoveToKnow Divorce
Divorce Advice: Change is Never Easy
Anyone who has ever been through the end of a marriage will offer the same divorce advice. Change is never easy. Regardless of why your marriage ended, divorce stirs up a plethora of emotions. Fortunately, there are some tips you can follow to make the transition as smooth as possible.
Prepare Yourself Financially
Going from a shared household to life on your own can be a financial disaster if you’re not prepared. If you’re contemplating a divorce, most divorce advice experts will recommend that you take some time to get your finances in order:
- Determine what your expenses currently are and look for ways to reduce your cost of living.
- Calculate your marital assets.
- Decide who will be responsible for any joint debts.
- If you’re currently a stay-at-home spouse, start looking for employment opportunities.
- If your health insurance is through your spouse’s job, start looking for your own policy.
For more divorce advice about preparing for the financial aspect of ending your marriage, check out Divorce and Money: Everything You Need to Know by Gayle Rosenwald Smith.
Get a Support System
Ending a marriage is difficult, but the experience will be much less painful if you enlist the help of a strong support system. Now is the time to lean on your friends and family. Let your mother watch the kids so you can have some time alone. Take your best friend up on her offer of a shoulder to cry on. Just don’t let anyone fix you up on a blind date until you’re truly ready!
If you don’t have close friends or family nearby, consider joining a support group for people in the process of ending a marriage. Groups like DivorceCare can offer divorce advice, comfort, and reassurance during this difficult time.
Find a Good Lawyer
A good divorce lawyer can make the difference between getting a settlement you’re happy with and one that leaves you in tears. Don’t just hire the first lawyer you see in the phone book. Choosing a good divorce attorney is one of the most important things you’ll do when ending your marriage.
Consider the following tips as you’re searching for a good divorce lawyer:
- Use online resources such as the DivorceLawFirms.com website to create a list of attorneys in your area.
- Ask acquaintances who have recently gone through a divorce for their recommendations.
- Interview several attorneys before making your decision. Most will provide a free initial consultation.
- Don’t let price be the deciding factor.
Talk to Your Children
When the time is right, you’ll need to explain your situation to your children. Discuss issues such as where the children will live and how often they will see the non-custodial parent in an age-appropriate way. If your children are very young, a picture book about divorce may be helpful. Consider one of the following selections:
- Dinosaurs Divorce by Marc Brown and Laurie Krasny Brown
- Two Homes by Claire Masurel
- I Don’t Want to Talk About It by Jeanie Franz Ransom
Divorce advice experts caution that children need time to deal with the end of a parent’s marriage. Be honest with your children, but don’t bad-mouth your spouse. Give your children opportunities to talk about how they feel in a safe and supportive environment.
Additional Resources
Comments
Hi DB,
If you don't have an attorney, you need to retain someone to represent you. In some cir...stances, a judge can order a former spouse who is receiving support payments to find work. When you meet with the lawyer, be sure to bring in copies of all your records concerning this matter, including the agreements you signed.
Take care.
JC Redmond LoveToKnow Editor
-- Contributed by: JCRedmondMy husband and I divided our assets and debts, and signed contracts to that effect, in 2004, and I refinanced our home to buy him out. He took our contracts to a paralegal, to draft an MSA, which he subsequently signed and notarized. I was unaware that he had notarized the MSA, since he continually harrassed me for more settlement money --- Many months later, I contacted the paralegal to ask what I could do to finalize the divorce. He suggested bifurcation. Once I served my ex the bifurcation papers, he retaliated by filing for Spousal Support. This has dragged on for three years now, and his attorney has succeeded in getting the MSA invalidated (which does not invalidate our two signed contracts that preceded it). Today I was in court for the trial, and his attorney managed to talk the judge into another continuance, so he could depose me, and comb through my financial records. What can I do to defend myself, and to protect what little assets I have left after all the legal costs? By the way, we each have the same advanced degrees and professional training, but he is severely underemployed, and claiming that I make more than him so I need to support him forever (because of a 29-year marriage).
HELP!!!
-- Contributed by: DBKaren,
Since you have been living in Illinois for more than 90 days, you can file for divorce there. Contact a family law attorney and be sure to take all the paperwork re marital assets with you when you meet with him or her. You and/or your attorney will likely want to conduct an assets search to ensure all assets are included in the divorce action. This link will provide you with information about how to check public records for information:
http://howtoinvestigate.com/articles/assets_search1.htm
JC Redmond LoveToKnow Editor
-- Contributed by: JCRedmondThis page has been accessed 2,232 times. This page was last modified 05:30, 23 July 2006.
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