Divorce Revenge

Marcelina Hardy, MSEd, BCC
Divorce revenge of smashing car window

Divorce revenge can make you feel better about what your ex-spouse did you to you, but it could land you in a whole lot of trouble, too. Before you embark on the perfect way to take out your rage on your ex-spouse, consider the repercussions.

Divorce Revenge: Considering the Consequences

Chances are, you don't want to think about the consequences of divorce revenge but it's important that you do. The last thing you want to do is end up in jail or pay a hefty fine. You also don't want to end up in court again when your ex-spouse decides to avenge your inappropriate actions. The temporary relief you will feel after inflicting emotional pain on your ex-spouse is not worth the long-term effects your actions may have on you.

Revenge That Won't Get You in Trouble

Instead of spray-painting obscenities on your ex's car or smashing all the house windows, consider acts of divorce revenge that won't get you a criminal record for destruction of property.

Take the Higher Road

Show your ex that you don't need him or her and that you are fine with the divorce. When you act out, it only shows your ex that you can't get over him or her. What an ego trip! Don't give your ex the satisfaction of your time and energy.

Remain Friendly with Mutual Friends

Don't let your ex steal all of your friends from you. Call the people you both hung out with to make plans with them. Try to do it soon after the divorce before your ex has a chance to bad mouth you to them. Continuing the friendships that you had while married will show your ex that he or she can't take away everything you shared and it will also give you an outlet and support.

Find New Friends or Date if Ready

Dating someone or just hanging out with new people shows that your ex hasn't knocked you down badly enough that you can't get up and enjoy life. Not only that, it might make him or her a bit jealous, even if your ex was the one who wanted the divorce!

Be Seen but Unavailable

This may be tricky but can make an impression. Try to be at the same place where your ex is once a week or so. It's likely that your ex doesn't want to see you and won't like that he or she still has to cross your path so this will drive him or her crazy. You can make it even more annoying to your ex by being unavailable when you are around him or her by talking to a friend or on the phone.

Boring but Effective Revenge

While the above divorce revenge ideas may sound boring to you, they are effective. Showing your ex that you are no longer attached will affect him much more and for longer than you think. Causing a nuisance to your ex such as flattening his or her tires only bothers your ex for the time that it takes to change tires, but the nagging thoughts of how well you are doing without him or her will last days, weeks or even months.

Often times, people who ask for a divorce or end up taking more than their fair share in the divorce settlement do it to cause you emotional pain. They want to see you suffer and taking out your frustrations by attacking them only confirms that what they did was effective, which gives them great satisfaction. Showing exes that their efforts failed and you are unaffected by them gives them the opposite feeling and turns their divorce revenge back onto themselves, which is exactly what you wanted.

Coping with Divorce Aftermath

Taking the higher road and doing the above acts of divorce revenge may be difficult for you. Your hurt emotions are what fuels divorce revenge in the first place, so it's hard to put on a smile and show that you are loving life when you aren't. The best thing you can do after a divorce is take care of yourself and get help, instead of taking revenge. Consider talking to loved ones about how you feel for support, read books about coping with divorce and seek professional guidance if necessary.

Divorce Revenge