Divorce Support Group

Difficult Feelings

Divorce comes with many different emotions. While each individual person is unique, you may feel:

• Anger
• Fear
• Rejection
• Disappointment
• Stress
• Uncertainty
• Confusion
• Anxiety
• Relief

The hard part is dealing with these various emotions. You are already dealing with a lot of important issues regarding the legal and financial aspects of divorce. You have probably consulted with a professional to help you with the legal and financial issues. It makes sense to also consult with a professional to help you with the emotional aspects of the divorce.

If you have minor children, it is especially important to tell their physician and teachers that the family is going through a divorce. You may think to yourself, “It is nobody’s business what happens in our family.” But, when it comes to your children, it is important to tell their physician and teacher what the children are dealing with. They will be your allies. They may notice behavior and emotions from your children and can help you help them cope with the divorce. Also, the children’s physician and teachers may be able to refer you to a children’s divorce support group where your children can feel comfortable expressing themselves.

Beginning to Cope

You should begin to cope with the end of your marriage before any legal papers are even filed. Surround yourself with family, friends and activities that make you feel good. Don’t try to do this alone. When you got married, you did not do it alone. You had your friends and family supporting you. They will continue to support you through the ending of your marriage.

Focus on those aspects of your life that bring a smile to your face. Focus on your children, eating better and exercising for a healthy life inside and out.

Finding a Divorce Support Group

Use the internet to help you find an appropriate divorce support group in your neighborhood. Consult with your local church, temple or mosque. Ask your physician or your children’s physician if they can recommend a group. Let your children’s teacher know that the family is going through a divorce. There may be children’s support groups their school. Community colleges, community centers, libraries and health care facilities are also valuable resources.

When you are looking for a divorce support group, consider who you feel most comfortable with.

• Do you feel comfortable with people in your church? Most religious communities have support groups for members, non-members and their children.
• Do you feel more comfortable with people your age? Divorce affects people differently when they are in their 20’s than it when they are in their 40’s or 60’s.
• Do you have issues regarding how the divorce is affecting the children? Divorce is very different for a couple with minor children than for a couple with no children or with older children.

Dating After Divorce

Once all the papers are filed and you are getting support from family, friends, maybe a divorce support group, you may feel ready to start dating again. If you have been married for many years, this may seem like a tremendous challenge. Before starting to date again, you should consider:

• Are you still sleeping with your ex-spouse? Often it is easy to return to our previous spouse out of comfort and convenience.
• Do you still have your ex-spouse’s photos displayed in your home, office or wallet? If you have minor children, it may be cruel to remove all photos of their parent, but perhaps you do not need to keep photos in your bedroom or office.
• Do you still have clothing or very personal property that belonged to your ex-spouse? Are her cosmetics in the medicine cabinet? Is his sporting equipment still in the garage? These may be constant reminders of your ex and may prevent you from moving on to dating someone else.

Before dating after your divorce, be sure to discuss it with your children. You need not ask for their permission, but you should establish a dialogue so that they understand you are not pushing them and their needs aside. Even after you feel comfortable with the divorce, encourage your children to continue with their divorce support group. After making friends who share their experiences, your children may wish to continue with the divorce support group for years.

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