Muslim Divorce System
From LoveToKnow Divorce
According to the Muslim divorce system, God is definitely not in favor of people deciding to end their marriage. Divorce is available to those of the Muslim faith, but only in special circumstances.
Cooling Off Period
If a couple is considering a divorce, the Quran specifies that they are to wait for a period of four months before taking action. This "cooling off" period is designed to give them the opportunity to consider whether this is the course of action they want to take. The couple may choose to separate after the four-month mark, but the separation must be equitable.
Arbitration
A couple whose marriage is in danger of breaking down is commanded by the Quran to appoint to arbitrators to help them resolve their differences. One arbitrator will be from the husband's family and the other will be related to the wife.
Woman Divorcing Her Husband
The grounds for divorce are the same for both genders. Most of the time, the decision to divorce is a mutual one. The situation could arise where one of the couple does not consent to a divorce but the family arbitrators feel that divorce is the best solution. In that case, the divorce will proceed. The law is applied equally to men and women.
Alimony for Divorced Women
On divorce, a woman is not to be abandoned without financial support. Her former husband is directed to provide for her according to his ability to pay. Widows and divorced women are to be supported for a 12-month period, so long as they remain part of the same household.
The woman may leave if she chooses, as she has that right. She is not to be forced to stay in the home if she does not want to be there. By the same token, the woman has the right to stay in the home she occupied before the divorce.
Muslim Divorce System and Remarriage
A man and a woman may be divorced and then remarry under the Muslim divorce system. They may be divorced twice. After that point, this couple may not re-marry each other unless the woman marries someone else in the interim and is divorced from that other man. The husband is not entitled to take back anything he has given to his wife.
Waiting Period Before Remarriage
Women of childbearing years are directed to wait until three menstrual cycles have passed before remarrying after a divorce. If during this waiting period, the woman discovers that she is pregnant, then her former husband has the right to re-marry her. This is a situation where the man's wishes weigh more heavily than the woman's desires.
Post-menopausal women are also asked to wait three months before remarrying, in case there is a chance that they have conceived a child. If a marriage ends without having been consummated, then there is no waiting period to be observed before the woman remarries. Widows must wait four months and 10 days before remarrying. In the interim, they can become engaged to another man, if they wish. The engagement can be announced publicly or kept secret..
Comments
Karin,
Your religious faith and the legal system are too different things. Under the law, if your marriage has broken down, then you can file for divorce. After you and your husband have been separated for a certain period of time, the Court will grant you a divorce. Your husband does not have to consent to the divorce for it to be granted. As you can see, there are steps you can go through to divorce within the teachings of your religious faith. Whether you decide to take those steps and go through mediation is up to you. You may also want to consider speaking with a counselor/therapist who can help you sort out your feelings before you make any decisions about whether to end your marriage.
Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor
-- Contributed by: JCRedmondI am of asian origin and was brought up in the west (Europe & the US),
my husband and I got married both at the young age of 17 in my country of origin, the first years were very tough and horrific for me, he convinced me that I was a slut for having boyfriends before we met, physically and mentally abused me almost daily.. and the "sessions" would last for hours and end with remorse and guilt on his side, even to the point of him weeping as he begs forgiveness... I was too stupid, too tired and too shocked to not pretend to accept his forgiveness, and then I felt safe for at least a day... until the next "session" starts, anything can trigger his jealousy..
this went on for 3 years, I was too scared to ask for a divorce, the slightest mentions of leaving would trigger his awful roars and reveal his sharp fangs.. and I was afraid of loosing the 2 babies I had conceived, he came from a powerfull family..
during those times, I was convinced that I deserved all his fury, and that I should be thankfull that he accepted me.. in the mean time, to keep myself safe and sane, I would not demand too much, and would not be too open with him..
years went by, except for his now and then jealousy expressions there were no major "sessions" since that third year, and I have forgiven him for the "tortures" (or not?) but definitely I have closed myself from him, and maybe because of my cowardness or because for my children's well being, I stayed with him... after 30 years with him, he has become a habit to be with..
gradually though, after that third year he became a nicer man, there was never even one single abusive word, let alone a physical abuse one... although he stays home all day he was always and still is an excellent provider and gives me his full attention (which I didnt demand)... he has mentioned to me a couple of times that he is obsessed with me, the world is never gray to him, its only either black or white... when he likes/loves somebody its too the extreme, and when he hates somebody its also to the extreme..
I have two adult sons and a daughter now,
and although he is forever sweet, loving, and considerate to myself and our children for the last 20 or so years, I have never opened up to him, about anything.. and I feel that I have been living a lie for 30 years.. he gives too much... but wants too much in return..
its as if all these time I have given him 80% of my attention, time and space.. even my children didnt get enough attention from me... and me?... there was nothing left of me for me.. I feel I am running on minus.. low battery... drained..
I have left him a couple of times before, and always returned to him upon seeing how broken he was without me, he litteraly didnt get out of bed for weeks and months when I left him..
after an argument this morning, I have decided that I have had enough, and I have a plan.. from me he is allowed to court another woman, and as soon as he intends to marry or is in love with this woman, he must divorce me.. thus I will wait until he has someone to be with before I leave..
now I feel sad, because there is love for him in my heart somewhere, and I feel that I shall miss him..
but I can not be myself if I am with him...
I want to die with a smile, and as an honest person if not at least to myself..
I read the points stated for a muslim divorce above, the rights and responsabilities... stupidly I have never read these before, people here had convinced me that a muslim woman do not have rights to ask for a divorce, and if she does, she has no cutody rights for her children and looses all financial support..
now I know better.. thank you..
what I wanted to know is.. does my case have a strong ground for a divorce?
I am saddened but determined.
Thank you,
Karin
~~~~~
Maria,
You may want to consider finding arbitrators to help you and your husband put aside your differences.
Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor
-- Contributed by: JCRedmondThis page has been accessed 310 times. This page was last modified 16:27, 5 March 2008.
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