Parenting in High Conflict Divorce

You may not be getting along with your spouse but don't let it get in the way of good parenting in high conflict divorce. Times are not only tough for you but for your children as well. Supporting and helping them as a united force will help your children adjust to the inevitable changes ahead.

Finding it hard to be a good parent during your divorce?

It's hard not to think about yourself and everything you have to deal with during this difficult time. However, it is key not to forget about what your children are going through. It actually can be helpful to you if you place more priority on taking care of their emotions. The following are some suggestions about how you and your spouse can continue to ensure you are providing good parenting in high conflict divorce.

Keeping problems away from your kids will not keep them feeling happy and safe. Kids are intuitive and know when something is wrong. When you and your spouse have decided to separate, it is important to sit down with your children and discuss your plans with them. You want to make sure to keep the lines of communication open for them and help them feel comfortable asking questions and talking about their feelings.

After the initial discussion, you may have to revisit the issue many more times. This is especially true if tension is a big factor. You want to make sure they don't feel that the arguments you have with your spouse are their fault. Children often blame themselves for their parent's failed marriage, communicating that they are not the cause of your problems will help them feel better about themselves.

Your kids love you and your spouse and they don't want to hear you talking badly about one another. When you complain to your kids, you can cause two major issues:

• Your kids will start to resent you for saying bad things about their other parent. This will make them retaliate by exhibiting delinquent behavior while with you or at school.

• Your child may start to dislike the other parent and resist staying with him/her or listen to anything the other parent says. This teaches a child that he or she is allowed to disobey authority especially when he or she doesn't like someone in that position. Later in life, this could lead the child to disobey laws and rules at work and in society.

Do not argue in front of your kids. Have you ever been in the middle of two friends or maybe even your own parents arguing? It doesn't feel comfortable, does it? This is how your children feel when they hear you have heated disagreements. If you must discuss something that may turn into a disagreement, do it while your children are out of the house.

A high conflict divorce is stressful so you will need to take care of yourself so you can be a good parent. You don't want to take out your frustrations and anger out on your children. Make sure you get enough sleep, take time for yourself, and do things that will help you reduce your stress levels.

Many authors have written books on the subject. Reading will help you put things in perspective and read more about how to parent during and after the separation. Here are some books you might want to purchase from Amazon.

• Smart Parenting During and After Divorce: The Essential Guide to Making Divorce Easier on Your Child by Peter Favaro

• It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear: A Read-Together Book for Parents and Young Children During Divorce by Vicki Lansky

• Building a Parenting Agreement That Works: How to Put Your Kids First When Your Marriage Doesn't Last by Mimi E. Lyster

• Always Dad: Being a Great Father During and After Divorce by Paul Mandelstein

• Vicki Lansky's Divorce Book for Parents: Helping Your Children Cope with Divorce and Its Aftermath by Vicki Lansky

If you already feel you have made mistakes in being a good parent during a high conflict divorce, try not to beat yourself up over it. You can’t change the past but you can shape the future. Start taking some of the suggestions here and continue to research how you can be a better parent to your child. Remember, all you can do is the best that you know how!

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