Stopping Divorce

Is Stopping Divorce Possible?

When the marriage relationship is truly over, stopping divorce proceedings may not be possible. However, if you and your spouse can work through the issues upsetting the marriage, there are ways you can avoid divorce.

Reconciliation First

Your first option for stopping divorce proceedings is to work on the troubled relationship. If your spouse is considering divorce, has mentioned a desire to live separately, or begins consulting with an attorney, pay close attention to the suggestions in this article. Working to repair a damaged relationship is never easy. Commit yourself to a difficult and long road of emotional work ahead.

Get Help

It may be necessary to work with a professional to help you implement the suggestions offered in this article. Consult your local clergy or even the family doctor for recommendations when you and your spouse face significant problems. However, avoid relying upon friends, family and co-workers. They are too invested in your personal happiness. Instead, search out professionals or a divorce support group who can remain unbiased and independent.

Work On Yourself

Reflect on your past. Consider your childhood. Examine the relationships you witnessed as a child. These relationships teach you at a very young age how to deal with the opposite sex and handle conflict. Consider your earlier dating experiences. Reflect on your mistakes. Make peace with your past.

Examine your parents’ relationship and learn from it, but always be aware that while we may share many of the same strengths and weaknesses with our parents, ultimately we alone have the power to make different decisions.

Look for positive role models. It is always a good idea to draw on the wisdom of others. Is there someone you know who has the kind of marriage that you admire? Maybe it's your in-laws, a friend or another relative? Observe how they communicate and deal with problems. Nearly every marriage faces financial problems, death, betrayal or dishonesty. But, not every single marriage ends in divorce. Find those couples that withstand such hardships. Listen and observe their strategies.

Work With Your Spouse

Avoid labeling your spouse’s actions or statements. Statements like "That doesn’t make any sense!" or "Do I have to hear this again?" do nothing to foster trust and communication. They get you no further to stopping divorce.

Ask your spouse what he/she wants or needs. You cannot foster love in your relationship if you have no idea what your spouse truly desires.

When your spouse gives you feedback or makes a remark, do not act defensively. Even if the remark feels nasty or is not constructive, try to learn from it. Examine your actions and words with a critical eye.

When All Else Fails

Reconciliation requires the cooperation of both spouses. If your spouse does not want to reconcile, there may be no stopping divorce. By the time you have been served with the divorce papers, your spouse has probably consulted with an divorce attorney, paid a retainer, and filed a summons seeking a divorce in court.

While legally you can file papers contesting the divorce, even if you prevail and the divorce is denied, you cannot force your spouse to live with you or love you. Your marriage will be in legal effect only.

If there is no stopping the divorce, it is important to understand that you have valuable legal tools to use during the divorce process. First, file the necessary papers to contest the divorce. A contested divorce is when your spouse disagrees with anything in the case, such as a division of property, or child custody arrangement. Because a contested divorce can be substantially more complicated than an uncontested divorce, it is best to consult with an attorney.

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