LoveToKnow Divorce:AllComments

From LoveToKnow Divorce

Comments

Jay,

Please consult with an attorney to get advice for your specific situation. Once you have retained someone, tell your husband that all communication needs to go through your lawyer. It's a way to create some distance between the two of you so that he won't be able to influence your decisions. Good luck.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JCRedmond

MY HUSBAND HAS ABUSED ME FOR 8 YEARS. IN THOSE 8 YEARS I BROUGHT A HOUSE AND A TRUCK DUE TO HARD TIMES I HAD TO GIVE BACK THE TRUCK. I HAVE HAD TWO ORDER OF PROTECTIONS ON MY HUSBAND IN TWO YEARS. I TOOK HIM BACK EVERY TIME THINKING HE WOULD CHANGE. HE DIDNT SO NOW I WANT A DIVORCE AFTER HE BEAT ME AGAIN AND GOT ARRESTED AGAIN. HE DOES NOT HAVE LEGAL STATUS HERE IN THE THE USA. AND HE WANTS ME TO FILE FOR HIS PAPERS FOR HIM. HE DID GET A TAX ID NUMBER AND HE HAS OPENED TWO BARBER SHOPS WITH HIS TAX ID NUMBER. HE HAS NEVER PAID TAXES IN THE FIVE YEARS THAT HE OWNED THE BUSSINESS. NOW HE WANTS TO FIGHT ME FOR THE LITTLE HOUSE THAT ME AND HIS SON LIVE IN? HE WANTS ME TO SELL IT AND GIVE HIM HALF I LIVE IN NY PLEASE I NEED SOME ADVICE. THANK YOU FOR READING MY STORY

-- Contributed by: JAY

Laura,

First of all, you are not responsible for what this person is doing - he is. He behaves like this because on some level he decided that it was OK.

You need to make some decisions about this relationship and I'm going to suggest that you get some counseling. The local agency that provides services to battered women should be able to help you find someone. If you want to end the relationship, then a therapist can help you figure out how to tell him it's over and stick to that decision. You are not losing your mind.

Take care.

Jodee Redmond, LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JCRedmond

I left my husband because of his infidelity and many years of violent behavior (physically abusive towards me, choking, hitting ect.). I have recently entered in to another relationship where I am seeing the same pattern of domestic violence (being grabbed by the back of head & neck, head butting, holding & restraining me so I can't leave, all along calling me profane names & making threats). This man knew my history and swore he would never do the same, but he has now done it more then once, usually when I threaten to break up the relationship (for numerous reasons, not just the abuse). He's always typically "sorry" afterwards, but tells me I make him that way and just know how to "push his buttons". He also tells me that no man would ever put up with me (referring to my nagging and yelling when I get mad I guess). My husband would tell me the same thing. They both also have said that they don't remember some of the things they do or say when in a rage. Is that true, can that happen? Anyway, it's like reliving it all over and I'm starting to really wonder why men want to hurt me. Why can't arguments just stay verbal? That I can handle, even though it's not productive to yell and scream, it's something I can tolerate because I can fight back that way. I can't, however, overpower a man physically, nor do I want to. I just don't want to be touched. I do yell and scream and say terrible things when I am angry, but the majority of the time, I consider myself a good partner, loving and caring. I do, however, have a very sharp tongue when I'm really mad, but I never turn physically violent, or even have the urge to. He also makes the excuses & comments like "I didn't hit you, or I didn't even hurt you", but it does hurt (painful being grabbed, held down and overall manhandled until I submit). Plus, I fear him, so I just cry and keep my mind shut even when I want to excape or fight back (verbally). I just need advice. Is it me?? Please help me figure this out. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

-- Contributed by: Laura

Cathlyn,

I would suggest that you contact a local agency or a shelter that provides assistance to victims of violence and ask for the name of a lawyer who has experience in this area. You could also contact the court clerk's office and ask if they could suggest someone. Looking at Yellow Pages listings for lawyers to see whether they mention experience in domestic violence cases could work, or you could call some law firms with divorce lawyers on staff to see if any of them have the type of experience you need.

Jodee Redmond LoveToKnow Editor

-- Contributed by: JCRedmond

I have been involved in a marriage with a violent partner for 6 years. We are in the process of divorce. He has a history of violence, going back to childhood and including a murder conviction for which he served 21 years. I sustained one serious beating from him before I felt like I could justify the risk of trying to divorce him. We have been separated for 2 months. He is continuing to call, trying to maintain contact and control, inviting me to join him for dinner, needing to come over to see the dogs - any excuse and always presenting himself in a total state of calm and reserve until today when his attorney told him that he had filed a restraining order with the court and he is to have no further contact with me. His call this afternoon after learning that was very agitated. I recognize the risks to my physical safety, are now much higher than they have been during the entire course of our relationship. I do not feel confident that my attorney is equipped to adequately represent me in this situation, although I know he is highly respected by the local judiciary. Where do I find an attorney with experience in domestic violence and pathological abusers to increase the odds of my survival?

-- Contributed by: Cathlyn
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