Is Separation Good for Marriage

Marcelina Hardy, MSEd, BCC
Couple pondering separation

If you and your spouse are at each other's throat, you may begin to wonder, "Is separation good for marriage?" The answer to this question isn't as simple as you would hope it to be. It depends on certain factors in your marriage and the current situation you are both dealing with.

When Is Separation Good for Marriage

Separation is good for marriage when you and your husband find that spending too much time together is the reason for your disagreements. In every relationship, individuals sometimes become co-dependent on each other. They lose their identities and adopt their partner's instead. This makes each person feel as though they can't stand on his or her own two feet. One spouse must always be with the other because they are no one if alone. While this may sound like how a happy couple should be, it's not. People who don't have their own identity can begin to resent their partner, which could create major issues in the relationship. Time apart can help people reclaim their identities so that when they decide to reunite they both have their own mind and spirit to contribute to the relationship.

Another time that separation is good for marriage is when one of the partners has cheated on the other. Time apart can help the betrayed spouse collect his or her thoughts and decide what to do. Being around the unfaithful spouse can make the betrayed party even more upset and resentful, which is counterproductive to repairing the marriage, if the betrayed person chooses to do so.

If you ask some people who are in a long-distance relationship with their Significant Other, you will hear some say that it adds fuel to their relationship. It rekindles passion and as the old saying goes, "…makes the heart grow fonder." While you don't have to move far away from your spouse to rekindle the same feelings, it is a good idea to separate sometimes to spark some passion. A simple vacation apart or a visit to family can be enough to allow each of you to miss and long for each other again - something you've probably not felt since before marriage.

When Is It Not Good to Separate in Marriage

A question you should ask yourself to know if you and your spouse should separate is, "Is the separation a way to avoid working on marital problems?" Communication is key in a relationship. If you have issues that you are not communicating, you may never resolve them and the relationship may falter. Before deciding to separate from your spouse, be sure you and your spouse discuss all the issues each of you have with one another. Take time to talk about the concerns and find possible solutions. If you and your spouse are willing to work on correcting the issues in your marriage, you've made a positive step towards rectifying your relationship. However, if one of you isn't willing to resolve a marital problem, you may want to consider marriage counseling and then take some time apart so that you both can take time to think about what each of you is or is not willing to compromise on.

If you want to separate so you can work out marital problems, make sure that both you and your spouse agree. If one of you doesn't feel comfortable with it, the one who doesn't will feel abandoned. In the case of infidelity, the betrayed person should make it clear the reasons why he or she wants to separate and their intentions. That way, if the spouse who cheated wants to save the marriage, he or she will understand and agree.

Rules for Separation

Now that you have an answer to your question "Is separation good for marriage?", you may wonder what you should do before making that step. It's important to discuss the intentions of the time apart. Decide on how long you want to separate and whether or not you will see each other during that time. It may be good to discuss the topic of dating even if you are trying to rectify the marriage. Being clear in the rules of your separation will prevent ill feelings when one spouse hears what the other is doing with his or her time.

Healing Takes Time

Repairing a marriage takes time, so don't rush it. Separate to minimize some of the chaos but continue to work on your marital issues. With time, you and your spouse will start to see things in a new way, and may be able to reunite with a newfound love for each other.

Is Separation Good for Marriage